Blessed Are Those Who Mourn

I will always remember the day we gathered around my husband Joe’s grave to grieve; it was All Saints Day (11/1/2019). The winds were so strong that I feared the branches above us would break and clobber one of us. I watched as our closest friends and bandmates carried my husband’s casket to his final resting place. Pastor Brian Barker, who had married us over a decade before, was now officiating Joe’s funeral. Our good friend, Jimmy, who was like a brother to Joe, knelt beside his casket and tossed his arms across the top of it as if to hug him one last time. I was numb.

The days following were filled with cards, messages, phone calls, and visits. But over time, things got quieter. Soon, I found myself sitting in an empty house with the memories of Joe surrounding me.

Keeping myself occupied helped me through. I started going to the gym more, and I also began driving for Uber. Any time I began to feel sad, I just hopped in the car, turned on the Uber app, and off I went. Meeting new people and sharing with others while earning a little extra money made me feel so productive and happy. Another way of coping was organizing and sorting through Joe’s items. Within only a few weeks, I had cleared Joe’s clothes out and donated a lot of them. Joe had been ill for many years, so my grieving began well before Joe’s actual passing. I also went to counseling offered through Hospice and spent a lot of time with God in the Word and inprayer.

Life was going to be a lot different. The forceful winds that blew that day in the cemetery symbolized the strong winds of change that were about to blow across my life. Then, my dad passed away in July of 2021. I miss them both greatly and miss the way things used to be. My life changed so fast. I am thankful for the countless blessings in my life … my new husband Craig, our home in NC, and our health. But sometimes, I still grieve. Time may help, and ultimately God heals all our wounds (in eternity), but while we are on this earth, we will all carry scars. God is our Comforter and our Healer. He heals the brokenhearted! Because of the nail-scarred hands of Jesus, our scars will one day all be wiped away.

“I have learned to kiss the wave that throws me against the Rock of Ages.”- Charles Spurgeon

In this life, unless we die at a very young age, we will lose people we love. For married couples, unless you die together in a freak accident, at least one spouse will have to deal with the loss of the other. Death is inevitable. We all grieve differently, yet we all mourn and all gain scars. Some of us have extremely deep scars, and some have more scars than others do, but we all have them. It’s a part of humanity. Perhaps we have a few smaller scars that fade with time, but they all remain with us in some way, shape, or form. One day … one glorious day … all of our tears and our scars will be wiped away forever.

Scars come with a price, but they are beautiful. Grieving and suffering in this life does not mean we become indifferent toward pain and loss, but that we hold fast to Christ no matter what comes. If we press into God, He will be the ointment for our wounds. It’s ok to grieve and miss our loved ones whenever and wherever we are and for the rest of our Earthly lives. I’m never going to stop missing Joe or my dad, or any of my friends who passed onto the next life. How can I when each of them holds a very special place in my heart?

Ms. Lady Lake